When my mum was a few weeks old, my grandmother died as a result of Mum’s birth and, as her father married again just a few weeks later, Mum was given to her aunt and uncle in an unofficial adoption. We also have an adopted child in our family. As a result, I am fascinated by the adoption process, so when my fabulous friend Carol Atherton dropped by with an early proof of her latest book, So Many Ways to Belong: A Personal History of Adoption, I knew I had to read it immediately – not least because I adored Carol’s previous book, Reading Lessons, my review of which you’ll find here. I am also incredibly touched to find myself in the acknowledgements at the end of So Many Ways to Belong.
So Many Ways to Belong is published by Penguin Figtree on 9th July 2026 and is available for purchase through the publisher links here.
So Many Ways to Belong
Twenty years ago, Carol Atherton and her husband, Matthew stood together on the doorstep of a suburban house waiting to meet the small, red-headed toddler who would soon be woven into the fabric of their lives.
But that moment was only one of many thresholds they crossed on their journey to becoming adoptive parents. In the years leading up to it, they had found their path strewn with countless questions and clouded by the myths that have shaped our collective ideas about adoption.
What was the truth behind the sensationalist headlines and the dramatic depictions in books, film and television? What level of scrutiny would Carol and Matthew face? Who would their child be, and how had they come to be adopted? And what would they need from the family who were going to give them a home?
In the months following the first nervous call to the adoption agency, all Carol and Matthew’s assumptions would be upended. They would meet social workers, judges, support networks and foster carers, learning not only about the process, but also about the wider social and political realities of adoption – its complicated history, past injustices and ever-evolving future.
So Many Ways to Belong is the handhold Carol wishes she’d had two decades ago, when doubt and uncertainty shadowed every step. Honest and illuminating, it tells both a deeply personal story and the larger story of adoption itself―challenging stereotypes, exploding myths, and examining what it truly means to build a family.
Essential reading for those whose life has been―or may yet be―touched by adoption, and for anyone wanting to better understand its story, this is an empathetic exploration of belonging, identity and our very human need for rootedness: to know who we are, where we’ve come from, and how we fit in.
My Review of So Many Ways to Belong
A personal and historical exploration of the adoption process.
Now look. I’m the least maternal person I know and am not even sure I like children all that much, but reading So Many Ways to Belong hit me like a physical blow to the solar plexus because Carol Atherton layers her text with such humanity that it’s impossible not to be moved, shaken, and totally transfixed by her writing. It’s superb.
So Many Ways to Belong is multi-layered and fascinating. What ought to be dry information about the history of adoption is rendered relevant, entertaining and fascinating because Carol Atherton weaves it seamlessly into her personal experiences. So Many Ways to Belong is universal history and personal memoir blended beautifully. There are references to literature and culture that ensure readers can relate to the adoption process even when they have absolutely no link to it at all. The interest inspired by Carol Atherton’s words is astonishing. What I found so impactful is the way in which the author lays bare her own experience. Through So Many Ways to Belong we might find out about adoption, but we also encounter a woman who is a contradiction of strength and vulnerability, of confidence, resilience and tenacity as well as fragility and self-doubt so that her personality leaps from the page. Reading So Many Ways to Belong means the reader finds out about the reality of adoption, but also makes them feel they have encountered a real friend.
So Many Ways to Belong is potentially also a highly uncomfortable read. The responses the author describes from others to her infertility and how she and her husband came to adopt, the attitudes to adoption outlined, and the reactions many have towards birth parents raised difficult issues for me. Had I been guilty of blase, ill-informed comments, or unthinking hurt and prejudice in my own reactions? This means the book resonates long after it is read. Whatever a reader’s view of adoption, So Many Ways to Belong draws in the reader with its personal approach, contrasted with meticulously researched historical and geographical detail, so that it is impossible not to be affected by reading it. Carol Atherton shines a light on the reader as well as adoption and her own experience.
Much of the information presented is terrifying. There’s no sugar coating of the adoption process. As a result of reading So Many Ways to Belong I have not only an enhanced understanding of the process, but also an increased respect for every person involved – yes even those birth parents who might be considered outside the parameters of social acceptance.
Informative, emotionally intelligent and brutally honest, So Many Ways to Belong should be essential reading for any person involved in the adoption process, from potential new families, through professionals steering adoption, to adult adoptees who have always felt somewhat ‘other’. It entertained me even as it educated me. At times it made me rage. On other occasions I read with tears streaming down my cheeks. I found it completely mesmerising and hugely moving and ended the book feeling a little bit broken. If you never read non-fiction, read So Many Ways to Belong. You might just find it life changing…
About Carol Atherton
Carol Atherton has taught English since 1996 and is currently Head of English at a secondary school in Lincolnshire. Originally from Merseyside, she read English at Oxford before doing a PGCE at Manchester Metropolitan University and a PhD at the University of Nottingham. She is a Fellow of the English Association and a member of the National Association for the Teaching of English. Atherton has written for a range of publications aimed at teachers and students, and she co-authored Teaching English Literature 16–19 (Routledge, 2013). Reading Lessons is her first trade publication.
For further information follow Carol on X @CarolAtherton8.
English (US) · 